Sobriety

Sobriety. It's something that's recognized and even celebrated for people struggling with alcoholism or drug addiction or eating disorders. But it's sadly something that's completely ignored for self-harm. Recovery is hard, no matter what you're trying to recover from. It's really, freaking hard. And it's even harder when there's not much of a support network. Don't get me wrong, I've got people who care about me immensely, but not people who can really understand things from my perspective. They try, but it's just one of those things that's really difficult to understand if you haven't been knee deep in it.
I've spent a large part of the year trying my damnedest to stay on the right path. It's been a near constant and very difficult struggle. There are no support groups. There's no celebration of the little victories. There isn't any celebration of the huge milestones. There really aren't even many people that can even remotely understand. The road to recovery is long and often very lonely.

For all the buzz around mental health issues lately, it sure seems like society only wants to recognize and help the ones that it deems "acceptable." The rest of us are, I suppose, considered a lost cause. Deviants, perhaps. I don't really know. What I do know is that there are socially acceptable struggles, and self-harm sure as hell isn't one of them. What makes it so much worse than shooting up heroin or drinking yourself into oblivion, I'll never understand, but that's society for you. People, and thus society in general, often make very little sense.

We're not all deviants, of course, and there's no such thing as a lost cause. But in the end it's really hard to fight for yourself when there are very few people that seem to think you're worth fighting for. I'm lucky. I found someone who reminds me daily of my true worth. Someone who reminds me that my struggles don't define me. But for those who don't have that someone, it's hard to see the point in changing. Sometimes it's hard to even see that changing is an option.

So celebrate each step towards sobriety, no matter how small. Celebrate even if nobody else celebrates with you - or tell me and I'll celebrate with you. If other people can't recognize what great strides you're making, it's their loss. Don't be afraid to throw yourself a party in your own honor. You deserve it because this shit is hard! One thing I'm learning is that it's okay to bribe yourself. Seriously. Treat yourself to something special when you reach a big milestone. You're worth it, and let's be honest, for a lot of us, bribery goes a long way. It's the American way...or something.

Consider this a long distance high five. You're just plain awesome - and I mean that sincerely.

Soapbox

Bigotry is kind of completely stupid. I stopped for a moment and tried to think of a nice, politically correct way to say that, but after giving it a good four seconds of my time, I decided political correctness isn't really my thing.

I just can't wrap my brain around why some people can't disagree about something without it devolving into a pissing match. I can disagree with someone's beliefs without resorting to name calling. It's not that hard. Why do so many people have such issues with it?

If you're using your religion or politics or whatever else as a springboard to spew bigotry and hatred, you're doing it wrong. Real convictions and beliefs have the power to stand on their own without resorting to bullying or petty name calling. That level of disrespect and frankly, absurdity just incites anger and frustration in people that otherwise may have at least been open to hearing you out. The only thing is succeeds in doing is detracting from the point that you're so hell bent on proving.

Be strong in your beliefs. Be passionate - the world needs more passionate people. But stop trying to use passion as an excuse to be utterly disrespectful. If you think that makes you look impressive and that you'll be able to bully people into joining your "team," then clearly someone lied to you. Hostility doesn't really work as a recruitment tactic - at least for any cause worth being recruited for.

And honestly, if your cause relies on a bunch of weak-minded people that are so incredibly susceptible to peer pressure, that says far more about your cause than your words ever will. Thoughtful and insightful discourse may yield fewer results, but at least the results will be genuine.

Sometimes I worry that people will view me and argumentative and just generally contrary for not being afraid to call them out on their bigotry. But some things are worth standing up for. I'm not disrespectful about it, but I refuse to stand idly by and let people spread hate and judgment. I don't want my children growing up in a world where people pretend not to notice that those things are happening. Standing aside and allowing that sort of thing to continue without saying anything feels like lending my support by omission. Will speaking up ever actually make a difference? Maybe not to anyone else, but at least it does to me.

I think somewhere along the line, people got the impression that being respectful and considerate of people makes them weak - and further makes their arguments weak. As if somehow being respectful to someone you disagree with somehow lessens your convictions. I can only speak for myself, obviously, but those are the people I'm always the most impressed with. They don't feel it necessary to to give up being a good human just to prove that they're right. They are secure enough to let their convictions speak for themselves.

In other words, can we please all just act like grown ups?