It's that time of the year again when people stop what they're doing to take a moment and remember what they are thankful for. As a very difficult chapter of my life is coming to a close, it's a better time than ever to celebrate the things that got me to this point. After all, with this year being the hardest I've ever muddled my way through, just getting through it is something to be thankful.
But there are lots of things and people that got me to where I am right now. And I am beyond thankful for all of them.
I'm thankful for my psychiatrists. I haven't liked either of them - at all - but they did at least help me find some meds to get me through some crappy times and, perhaps more importantly found me something to kick my insomnia's ass. I don't have to like them to appreciate the contributions they made. And in the end, the fact that they were so resistant and unwilling to listen to me forced me to commit to being my own biggest advocate. That's always been something I've been downright awful at, so that push to force me to stand up for myself was a gift, despite being hugely frustrating.
I'm thankful for my therapist. I mean seriously, ridiculously thankful. Some days I feel certain she must dread her sessions with me as I certainly feel like I have a tendency to suck the life out of everyone I'm around. But I've never felt more comfortable with someone than I do with her and that's been the most tremendous gift I could have ever received. She has supported me when I felt completely alone. She has challenged me to learn about myself and grow in ways I would have never thought about. She has provided for me a safe and nurturing environment for me to talk about anything...or talk about nothing at all. Some weeks, that time on her couch was the only time I really felt "safe." There are no words to describe how invaluable that has been for me. She has been such a tremendous help/support/motivation/kick in the pants. I could never thank her enough.
I'm thankful for friends that have stood by me and supported me through what has been a horribly difficult year. Friends that haven't judged and haven't abandoned me even through the scary stuff. Friends that I have learned to talk to about my struggles and who have been there when I've needed to reach out. You know who you are - and you mean more to me than you could possibly know. I hope some day to be able to somehow repay the favor. I'd be lost without you.
I'm thankful for family. Over the past few months, I've been able to reconnect with a number of people in my extended family, some of which I've not really "spoken" to in a very, very long time. They've been so tremendously supportive and accepting - I can't help but feel like I don't deserve it. Regardless, I certainly appreciate the hell out of it. I really do. I love you all and appreciate your support more than you'll ever know. You have been a lifeline for me - honestly and truly. Thank you times a million.
I'm thankful for the vacation I'm planning next year. I can't even explain how much I'm looking forward to that. I'm excited able to have some freedom to just enjoy the open road and the beauty of nature without being a slave to any kind of rigid itinerary (I'm so not a planner...at all). I'm excited to see and spend time with family I haven't seen in ages (and thankful they're willing to put up with me). Somehow, being one of the youngest in the family, I've always had trouble viewing any of my family members, extended or otherwise, as peers. It's been a bit of an adjustment to realize that the years that separate us, while it seemed like a huge gap growing up, don't really mean much anymore. Sometimes I honestly forget that I'm a grown-up now. I'm looking forward to being able to spend time with people that genuinely care about me...and maybe even feeling normal for a moment or two.
And finally, I'm thankful I'm here. I'm thankful I exist. I'm thankful I have people who love me and accept me, scars and all. I'm thankful that I've made it through another year. I'm thankful that I finally made the choice to reach out and get the help I needed to sort through everything. I'm thankful to be uncovering parts of myself that I thought were lost forever. And I'm learning to be thankful for the journey...
I'm thankful for friends that have stood by me and supported me through what has been a horribly difficult year. Friends that haven't judged and haven't abandoned me even through the scary stuff. Friends that I have learned to talk to about my struggles and who have been there when I've needed to reach out. You know who you are - and you mean more to me than you could possibly know. I hope some day to be able to somehow repay the favor. I'd be lost without you.
I'm thankful for family. Over the past few months, I've been able to reconnect with a number of people in my extended family, some of which I've not really "spoken" to in a very, very long time. They've been so tremendously supportive and accepting - I can't help but feel like I don't deserve it. Regardless, I certainly appreciate the hell out of it. I really do. I love you all and appreciate your support more than you'll ever know. You have been a lifeline for me - honestly and truly. Thank you times a million.
I'm thankful for the vacation I'm planning next year. I can't even explain how much I'm looking forward to that. I'm excited able to have some freedom to just enjoy the open road and the beauty of nature without being a slave to any kind of rigid itinerary (I'm so not a planner...at all). I'm excited to see and spend time with family I haven't seen in ages (and thankful they're willing to put up with me). Somehow, being one of the youngest in the family, I've always had trouble viewing any of my family members, extended or otherwise, as peers. It's been a bit of an adjustment to realize that the years that separate us, while it seemed like a huge gap growing up, don't really mean much anymore. Sometimes I honestly forget that I'm a grown-up now. I'm looking forward to being able to spend time with people that genuinely care about me...and maybe even feeling normal for a moment or two.
And finally, I'm thankful I'm here. I'm thankful I exist. I'm thankful I have people who love me and accept me, scars and all. I'm thankful that I've made it through another year. I'm thankful that I finally made the choice to reach out and get the help I needed to sort through everything. I'm thankful to be uncovering parts of myself that I thought were lost forever. And I'm learning to be thankful for the journey...
No comments:
Post a Comment