For starters, we're both pasty. Granted wallpaper is pasty in a way that's objectively useful, whereas I'm mostly just pasty in a way that makes me sunburn in the presence of a 100 watt lightbulb. I think we can all agree that the ability to sunburn isn't a particularly impressive or useful quality. It must be my Irish heritage shining through. So apparently I'm not actually even as useful as wallpaper.
Pastiness aside, though, when people walk into a room, you'll almost never hear them exclaim, "That's some glorious wallpaper!" On it's best day, wallpaper aims to blend into its surroundings - it just kind of hangs out. Sure, it might contribute to the overall ambiance of a room, but it's never the star. On its best day, it simply exists. We have that in common. Wallpaper just isn't usually terribly remarkable...
...But sometimes it surprises you with its degree of awful. Sometimes it's just so bad that it's like getting punched in the face with a whole fistful of hideous as soon as you walk in the door. Growing up, we had a mudroom and the only thing I remember about it is that it had this god awful wallpaper with neon green and florescent orange flowers. It literally hurt to look at it. On its worst day, wallpaper can be an absolute train wreck - awful to look at but just so horrible that you can't look away.
The same is true for me. On the best day, I just kind of exist. I'm not spectacular or the center of attention. I fade into the background and go through life more as a spectator than a participant.
Then there are my trainwreck days. On those days I'm the center of attention for all the wrong reasons. The glue starts to degrade and peel away, revealing the hot mess underneath that I've been trying my damnedest to hide. Being a hot mess is what I'm best at really *shrug*
But on the positive side, wallpaper is pretty damn difficult to get rid of, and the fact that I'm still around proves that I am too. So at least there's that...
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