Ride the Wave

I've been told the best way to get through things is to "ride the wave." That's probably really great advice.  You know, if I knew how to surf...

How do you learn to ride the wave when you feel like you're constantly being crushed under the weight of it? How do you learn to ride the wave when there's nobody there to drag you to safety when you fail?  How do you learn to ride the wave when you feel like you're being thrust right into 15 foot waves instead of getting your feet wet in the little baby Galveston waves? How do you learn to ride the wave when it feels like you've got someone constantly standing right behind you shoving your face back into the water hoping this time you won't come back up? How do you keep fighting?  How do you keep riding the wave when you just don't fucking care anymore - when you barely even have the energy to stand up?

I guess the answer is that you just do. Because there comes a point where you just don't have many other options. So you fight and you thrash and most days you feel like you're drowning. And you hope that little by little, in the midst of all the fear and exhaustion and just not giving a shit, you start learning. Because if you don't have hope, you really don't have anything. And if you don't have anything, then really what's the point?

And so it goes.  Fighting and thrashing. No safe place to stop and rest for a while. No place to recharge. Just fighting and thrashing and growing more tired every day.  Less and less energy each morning.  Living on hope...and caffeine...and chocolate, because life without chocolate is meaningless anyway.  And looking for those little opportunities to connect with people who will remind me to just keep swimming and help me learn how to ride the waves.

drowning is super fun