Therapy

Few things are as awe-inspiring as a brand new box of pristine crayons.  Beautiful, undefiled crayons.  I think I drooled a little bit just taking the pictures.  I had to fight my kids off of like they were rabid, blood-thirsty dogs.

To those of you without kids, I promise it becomes even more cathartic after you have kids because with kids, ANYTHING pristine is pretty much awe-inspiring.  Because this is what my kids did to a box of crayons in about 3.7 seconds.  They can massacre crayons with astounding efficiency.  God only knows where there other 15 crayons went.

The only problem with a brand new box of crayons is that it's almost traumatic for me to actually take that first step and turn them into "used" crayons even though I enjoy coloring (yes, I'm a grown person who enjoys coloring - I think we've already establishing that I suck at drawing and coloring is the next best thing).  I'm like that with a lot of things.  I really want to get to the finish line, but for the love of God, don't make me actually DO anything to get there.  I'm a big fan of teleportation - it's just a shame that it doesn't actually happen.  All I really want to have to do is show up at the end - it'd be super if someone else could do dirty work.  I don't like messy.  You wouldn't know it by looking at my house, but really, messy isn't my thing.

So now I have a new weapon in my "chill the hell out" arsenal.  Coloring books, crayons and colored pencils - because coloring is surprisingly therapeutic and kind of mind-numbing.  And truthfully, mind-numbing is probably the best thing for me right now.  And they're not just any coloring books - they are fancy, "sophisticated" coloring books (because only the most sophisticated coloring books come with 3-D glasses).  On a side note, it's not a good idea to Google "adult coloring books."  And I mean REALLY not a good idea.  Some things can't be unseen and there's not enough brain bleach in the world to get rid of those images.  I wasn't quite sure what to search for in order to find some books that had something other than Mickey Mouse and Disney Princesses, but that was definitely the way, way, way wrong choice.  Suffice it to say, I didn't get Mickey Mouse or Disney Princesses when I did that search...

I eventually did find a couple of decent coloring books, and I'm looking forward to jumping into it and being able to have some time to be completely and utterly mindless.

And I desperately need this coloring book, by the way.  I don't just want it, I NEED it.  So if anyone out there is just itching to get me a Christmas gift, here's your chance to be my most favorite person ever...and my undying gratitude comes really cheap, in case you were wondering.  Just saying...

So this week, I color.  And color and color and color and color.  And hope that coloring keeps my mind off of things.  Hope that it keeps me from going downhill again - I'm so tired of crashing and burning.  I'm so tired of wondering what the point of anything is anymore.  I'm just so tired.  I'm ready to be able to look forward to my free time again instead of dreading the weekends.  Weekends are the worst right now.  The absolute worst.  A uncomfortable combination of feeling like a stranger in my own home and being subjected to more passive aggressive bullshit in one weekend than most people have to endure in a year.  It's super awesome...in the most miserable and emotionally devastating way possible.

But whatever I can do to take the edge off, I guess.  Whatever it takes to get from one day to the next and keep putting one foot in front of the other.  Whatever makes time pass more quickly...