Vanity

When you get your hair cut at a place that primarily cuts men's hair, you probably shouldn't be surprised when you walk out looking like a man.  Especially when the haircut was $8.  But hey, when they chop all of your hair off, you can do fun things like give yourself a faux hawk and thoroughly embarrass your kids - because really, what fun is being a parent if your kids aren't at least a little bit ashamed to be seen with you.  I consider it payback for my oldest telling me I look like a middle aged man.  And really, I can't complain - I mean, it was only $8 and I didn't leave with head lice.  I consider that a win.  

Truth be told, I'm kind of kicking myself for not chopping all of my hair off earlier.  It's so much easier...and I'm so lazy.  And I'm not vain at all so if I look like hell, then so be it.  I've always said that is shave my head if I could get away with it - and I totally would. I'm not looking to be pretty.  I never have.  Pretty isn't ever something I've done well and I stopped trying a long, long time ago.  I remember when I was younger I tried to get all fancy and get a perm (back when perms were the big thing) and I ended up looking like a hobo poodle.  And I have yet to figure out how to apply makeup in a manner that doesn't make me look like a clown.  Honestly this is main reason I thought my high school aptitude test's suggestion that I would be a good mortician was laughable.  I mean, part of a mortician's job is to make the deceased look good for the viewing - and there's definitely a certain amount of artisanship required for that.  Seriously, this was my first reaction at my aptitude test results - "I can't be a mortician...I don't even know how to put makeup on myself!"  No objections to the dead people...just that I was poorly equipped to give them a make-over.  That should tell you a lot about me right there...

But still, I've always found myself scratching my head at vanity. I guess it's hard for me to understand because I've never had anything to be vain about.  Tanning salons? No thanks - it's fun to glow in the dark. Fancy salon haircuts? How about an $8 cut and a $7 box of dye? Fancy clothes? Not unless they're on the clearance rack and even then I'd probably be uncomfortable wearing them. It's not that I don't want to look nice. It's that I don't have a lot to work with. And it's easier just to make peace with the fact that I'm homely than to try to cover it up with fancy clothes, expensive makeup and artificial tans and then still end up being homely.  At least if I don't try, I can always blame it on the fact that I don't try.  And yes, I do realize how flawed that thinking is.

Another thing I've found interesting since I've chopped my hair off (among other things that I'll go into at another time) is that I've had more than one person make a comment about me "switching teams."  Because of hair.  Because straight women don't have short hair.  And lesbians don't have long hair.  And that all makes perfect sense to someone out there.  But to me that's just stupid.  And besides that, how is that even an appropriate comment to make to someone?  Am I missing something?  Do people not have boundaries anymore?  And even if I were "switching teams" as it were, do you really think that this is the opportunity I've been waiting for to make it public?  Some crass comment about me switching teams because I cut my hair?  It reminds me a bit of when I announced my second pregnancy at work and one of my co-workers who I didn't know all that well (aside from the occasional chat in the hallway) came up to me and asked, "So, was it planned?"  I think I just stood there with my mouth wide open, jaw dropped to the floor.  I mean, how do you respond intelligently to such an unintelligent question?  And the answer is that you really can't.  Because some people just don't have a filter.

But there will always be those people.  People without the filter between their brain and their mouth.  People making stupid judgments on things that don't matter.  People who think everyone else's personal life is somehow their business.  If you're one of those people, for the love of all that is holy, please STOP!  And if you're not one of those people, THANK YOU - you are the ones that help me keep enough sanity to deal with the others.