Watch Out for the Quiet Ones...

There's a saying about how it's the quiet ones you have to watch out for.  The people who say this know what they're talking about...probably from experience.

Particularly in the US, being outgoing, loud, and "in your face" has largely become synonymous with power and success.  Level of extroversion has become the "gold standard" in measuring a person's potential for success and introversion is seen as a character flaw.  It's funny (albeit a little disheartening) experiencing life from an introvert's point of view.  And being both an introvert AND a female in a world of math and science has been doubly interesting.

See, because I'm quiet, I tend to fade into the background most of the time.  A lot of the time people will even forget I'm there.  Even when people do acknowledge my presence, they often mistake my lack of active conversation for disinterest.  But introverts are listeners.  We tend to like to take everything in before speaking, having time to ruminate on things and properly process things before responding.  We're a thoughtful bunch, which is why I always say that when an introvert speaks up, you should probably listen.  At least, that tends to be the case for me.  If I speak up, it's because I've given something considerable thought and I feel reasonably strongly about it.

I always thought I was weird because I'm really introspective, but I've always been surrounded by people who were the complete opposite.  I could (and often do) spend hours upon hours just sitting and thinking...about things and stuff.  I spend so much time in my own head, I don't need a whole lot of outside entertainment.  I've spent a lot of time listening to people talk about their vacations and what not and they tend to go, go, go all the time - most people I know try to pack as much "stuff" into a vacation as humanly possible.  And all I can think is how exhausting that sounds.  I'm guessing I don't strike people as much of a "nature girl," but again, that's where people's impressions of me aren't especially accurate.  Don't get me wrong, I'm fat and out of shape and I'm not out running through the forest or taking 30 mile hikes, but I love being in nature...just walking around or sitting and soaking it all in.  These jam-packed vacations in bustling cities that people take?  I don't think I could handle it - or at the very least, I'd come back from vacation about 10 times as stressed out as I was before.  

And for heaven's sake, don't try to pit an introvert against someone else.  If you're wanting to have people duke it out and take the advice of the last man standing, you might be missing out on some really thoughtful suggestions.  I HATE this.  Absolutely, 100% hate it.  I'm not interested in getting into a pissing match with someone whose goal in life is to be louder than everyone else.  It's stupid and pointless.  If you want to know who's going to be louder, I can guarantee you it won't be me.  It won't ever be me.  And if you're trying to get me to fight to the death with someone over an idea or an opinion, you're barking up the wrong tree.  But that doesn't mean my idea is worse - it just means that I think that's a stupid way to try to make decisions.  Let's judge the relative value of ideas by the volume with which they are presented instead of by actually weighing the merit of the ideas.  You know, because that makes complete sense.  But still, that's how it tends to be in the US.  People stand in awe of the loudest, most confident people in the room.  They assume that those of us that are quiet are that way because we're stupid or just don't have any worthwhile ideas.  That couldn't be further from the truth.  I mean, don't get me wrong, there are certainly plenty of introverts that are dumber than a bag of rocks, but just because I'm quiet doesn't mean I'm one of them. 

Still, while being an introvert and tending to be the quiet one in the corner has distinct disadvantages, it offers a unique advantage when it comes to the element of surprise.  In other words, it's a lot more fun to be a smart-ass when you're quiet and unassuming.  That's part of the reason I thought putting condoms on my wedding registry was hilarious - nobody expected that from me.  Nobody expects me to play pranks or chime in with witty commentary.  The unexpectedness makes it more fun because it leaves everyone scratching their head wondering where the hell that came from.

I remember when I was in college, I had a database class that required a group project.  I hate group projects.  I hate them passionately.  For starters, I'm not especially keen on putting my grades in other people's hands.  I guess I'm a bit of a control freak that way.  But I had also experienced a large amount of judgment from computer science folks based entirely on my gender - from my fellow classmates all the way up to my professors.  It always pissed me off.  So you can imagine how entirely irritated I was when the rest of my (male) group for this project decided that my job could be to make the PowerPoint presentation "pretty."  I mean, really, what the hell?  Have you seen me lately?  I don't do "pretty" - definitely not my thing.  But I made one hell of a bad-ass PowerPoint presentation.  See, our final project was some military themed game, the details of which I can't recall because I wasn't really allowed to participate in the actual development (you know, because girls are icky and stupid).  I added random sounds of bombs going off and rounds of ammunition being fired off to the presentation.  And guess what?  Nobody ever asked me to do the PowerPoint presentation again. 

Which brings me to my next point - don't ever trust an introvert. We can be sneaky little bastards.  Seriously, though, don't underestimate us - we're full of surprises...I promise.