I've decided I really need something to look forward to to push me through the new few months. To that end, I've decided that I'm going to plan a vacation for myself for next summer. A little solo road trip up the west coast. At least, that's what I'd like to do. One thing I've realized over the last few days is that I'm entirely too ADHD to plan something like this. So not really sure how this is going to go for me. Of course, at the moment, this trip is entirely imaginary, so that's probably okay - although I'm determined to make this thing happen for me, come Hell or high water.
I've given a lot of thought to planning something for myself, but I always have trouble justifying spending any time/money/effort on myself. The thought of taking time away for myself feels really selfish. I'm not one to put myself first...ever. But then, that's a huge part of the reason I'm in the enormous, soul-sucking hole I'm in now. I've always tried to make everyone else happy, live up to everyone else's expectations and I've just let my own needs slide. I'd rather disappoint myself than someone else. I keep trying to remind myself that I'm not doing anyone any favors by running myself into the ground. I need some time to myself to just step back and hit the "reset" button.
When I started thinking about a vacation, the idea of a road trip was oddly appealing. You see, I've never been a huge fan of driving. Most teenagers are thrilled to get their driver's license - I was indifferent. If anything, I was terrified. So it caught me off guard how appealing a road trip was to me. I guess part of it is that a road trip feels like the ultimate in freeing and liberating vacations. My initial thought was to drive up the east coast. There's lots to do there. Lots and lots to do. And then it occurred to me - there's LOTS to do. And that's not at ALL what I need. The last thing I need is to be jetting form place to place, trying to pack in as much "stuff" as humanly possible. The more I thought about it, the more that sounded absolutely horrid. So scratch that off the list... I want peace. Somewhere I can enjoy the serenity and beauty of nature - and maybe catch up with some people along the way.
So I started thinking about where I'd go. The big problem? Texas. Texas is a big ass state and it takes a long freakin' time to drive across it. And it is NOT even remotely interesting. Not even close. I've been there, done that - no interest in doing it again. So I've decided to fly to my road trip - because I'm weird like that...and because Texas kind of sucks for road trips. Those of you who know me well know how big a deal this vacation must be for me in order for me to actually CHOOSE to fly somewhere. I am deathly afraid of flying. Petrified. I know all of the statistics that are supposed to put my mind at ease. They just don't work. So for me to willingly board a plane is huge. But I'm looking forward to getting out on the open road and exploring some - no agenda, no big plans...just whatever. I'm looking forward to seeing some family that I haven't seen in ages because in times like these, I've really begun to appreciate the support of family.
Most importantly, I have to remember that taking care of myself isn't selfish. I'm sure as hell not doing my kids any good if I keep running myself ragged like I've been doing for years. I owe it to them to do what I need to do in order to get back on track. Whether this trip will happen or not, I don't know - I probably won't know for a while. But I NEED something. I'm in desperate need of some rest. Something's got to give...
I'll be up in the northwest and then heading east towards Yellowstone National Park. So give me some suggestions. Where should I go? What should I see? Help me reign in my ADHD and plan this trip. I suck at planning things like that. Completely, totally suck at it. Ask me to plan a destination vacation? No problem - I'm awesome at that. Ask me to plan a road trip? Total disaster.
No comments:
Post a Comment